So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize