walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
