Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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