I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
