Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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