i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
