DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
