i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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