2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
