I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And then my night got REAL pukey
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
