Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
