Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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