Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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