I wish my penis had an off switch
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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