I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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