well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
