Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
