Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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