if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
