If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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