This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
