I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
