i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize