do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
foreskin is a definite game changer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
