I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
