I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
