She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
