Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
