i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
