You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
