No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
