Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
