return my video game
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
