Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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