i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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