I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
