I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
