He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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