used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
