The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
