It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
