weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
