took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
