So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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