This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
