dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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