Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
