i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
