see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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