I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
