i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My life is pants optional.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
