I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
