i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
