Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
