Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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