Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize