i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Enjoy the penises
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
