Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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