Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
