Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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