dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
