i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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