I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
