The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
