capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
