I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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