I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
