I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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